Wakey, Wakey….It’s the rise of Blakey!


Article by James

With the looming date of Green Lantern’s release in Oz, I would like to say Blake Lively is a pretty girl. Hot at times. That voice. That body. That face. And also confidant. Sometimes showing acting chops. So why is it far too easy to cynasize (sic) her aside? Maybe it’s because the media roll out is so formulaic?

 I understand the making of the movie star. Not the actor, but the movie star. Fame. Not talent. Even though talent may exist. But I think the making of BL is a little too nauseating for my liking. So marketed for NOW! Who the f does she think she is. And more so, who the f does she think she’s marketing to? We’re not all knobs. We’re not all teenage sponges. How this strumpet has managed to skewer the like of Anna Wintour, Karl Lagerfeld, Ben Affleck, etc, into spruiking her ejaculation into the popular consciousness throng is beyond me.

 Here’s a limelight line – well, the one’s of note.

  1. Ensemble cast member of sappy sequel-ed flick The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (2nd worst movie title that springs to mind behind the recent Oranges and Sunshine).
    –        enters the teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse
  2. Plays a bulimic while being quoted as promoting that food, is the love of her life… bless.
    –        makes me want to vomit, but gains empathy within the teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse
  3. Lands the transcendent role of her career so far (oh dear) as Serena van der Woodsen in the strangely successful Gossip Girl TV series.
    –        becomes a “role model” for the teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse, and sets herself up as a clothes horse while being a BFF and sleeping with / falling in-love with every
              pretty boy on the cast
  4. Enters the tabloids in the fashion area. Front row seats. Air-kisses Anna Wintour.
  5. Global publicity for her minor role in critically acclaimed The Town (seriously, I have to say she was convincing. But, her on-screen time in that flick????? Come on!!!!!). Complete with leading-man-sex-possible-scandal.
    –        teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse, and now their Mum’s say, “She has talent!!!!”
  6. Continues Gossip Girl day-job, Anna Wintour coos, and Karl Largerfeld creams his hideous trousers while announcing BL is the face of some new Chanel bag. Cue pouts. Cue dollars. Cue why?
  7. Global pre-publicity for landing the role in a new blockbuster – Green Lantern.
    –        teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse respond in rapture, awaiting the next move
  8. Minutes before the US release of blockbuster (career kill or claim), is photographed extensively, cavorting with teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse-wet-dream-titanic-poster-boy Leonardo Dicaprio on Italian holiday. I believe it was a private get-away. Yawn.
    –        tabloids go into hyper-drive. New power-couple? Teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse dream
  9. (Just in case you weren’t looking.) Naked shots of BL hit the net. She denies they are of her, despite matching birth marks (I seriously was not interested).

 And then of course, Green Lantern opens to record numbers in the US. Tucked under the wing of bulging-biceped Ryan Reynolds, and the rest is history. The teen-girl-loyal-friend-cliché-posse gullet is full. Wake up numb-skulls.


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