Poor Jen.









Article by James

If ever there was anyone to rival Blake Lively in her recent unashamed marketing of herself for a movie release, its Poor Jen. Not Jennifer Aniston. Poor Jen. Though her architectural triumph is on sale at the moment for 40+ million, so she ain’t so poor in that sense. I say suck it up b’atch. You can sit back and live off the dividends still rolling in from Friends, another fragrance release, and whatever other endorsement deals you have. Have another margarita and look at yourself in the mirror. I would if I were you.

You can always tell Poor Jen has a new movie coming out when she has a new bloke on her arm, splashed throughout the tabloids. Usually entitled, “Jen’s Midnight Rendezvous” (my favourite though of late – “Jen’s Yen” – ha,ha,ha). It is sad really. Everyone knows she’ll never be happy again since Brad shacked up with Entrance-to-Womb Raider. Sorry, Tomb Raider. And no children. But maybe if this new man works out ticket buyers.., She means, “maybe if you make Horrible Bosses a success ticket buyers…”. What then?; Happy Jen.  Jen-will-now-be-able-to-have-kids-and-move-on-from-Brad Jen. Who cares. 

The fact is your last few movies were shite and no hunk of meat hanging from your yoga-toned bicep is going to make a difference. Do something good. Horrible Bosses may be your last chance baby. And I will say, you may be on a winner it seems with what looks to be a little less typecast a role, and said new bloke not being in the movie. But a trailer can look great. It’s what they’re meant to do. We do realize what’s going on Poor Jen.

But it better be good. The Break-up and Marley were decades ago in Hollywood. Constant Friends re-runs on free-to-air got old a long time ago with Everyone Loves Raymond.

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