Joel and the Dreaded Double Nic!

Article by James
My youth was filled with truly wonderful films like 1985’s St Elmo’s Fire, 1987’s The Lost Boys and 1990’s Flatliners. Cool films that have endured when watched of late. And that’s a big deal to say of the 80’s. At the helm of these fantastic flicks was Director Joel Schumacher, a man who has been working ever since but has pumped out some serious crap. High profile crap yes, but hardly good; and few were successful. Best known in the last 20 years for the mildly offensive 1995’s Batman Forever, 1997’s Batman and Robin and 2004’s remake of The Phantom of the Opera starring of all people, Gerald Butler as The Phantom. Erghhhh.

But he continues. New to DVD shelves for Oz in early 2012, as it was SLAMMED in the US on release late last year, is Trespass. Now before I go any further, the leading male and female are Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman. Personally, I didn’t need to hear anymore before I knew this mess would stink to high heaven. Really Joel??? I would have thought you were trying to get yourself out of a funk Mr Schumacher??? Why give yourself a double curse? First of all Nicolas Cage hasn’t been good since the days of 1987’s Moonstruck and 1995’s Leaving Las Vegas and THAT tax battle where after, every role was about the pay cheque not performance or quality. I do have to apologise to Sir Mr David Lynch. But why you cast him in 1990’s Wild at Heart I have zero idea. My least favourite DL film. But you do also favour Lara Dern at times I have to say…

And then there is “Our Nicole”. F##k OFF!!! Send her back to Hawaii. I loathe her. While I do think she “worked” in films such as 1999’s Eyes Wide Shut, 2002’s The Hours, and 2010’s Rabbit Hole, despite the equal accolades and criticism, she’s too stiff. It’s the only word I can accommodate (without being extremely crass) the feeling that comes with her on-screen presence. I even hated Moulin Rouge! despite its huge appeal and box office draw. Though, a friend told me in Trespass she’s pummelled, knocked about, thrown across a room, and I thought, “Ok, maybe that may be worth watching when it hits weekly status at the DVD store a week after release.”

How awful am I!!! And I do not condone physical violence against anyone!

PS: I forgot to say what Trespass was about. Home invasion leading to ransom that was supposed to be a thriller.

PPS: Shame on you Joel. You have sullied my ears and eyes with the information that this actually exists.

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